Tool - Nervous System & Emotional Regulation

🧠 NERVOUS SYSTEM & EMOTIONAL REGULATION
Your nervous system is like the operating system of your body - when it's dysregulated, everything feels harder. These tools help you understand and regulate your nervous system, creating a foundation of calm and resilience that supports your recovery journey.
Polyvagal Theory & Vagus Nerve Activation
What It Is: Polyvagal theory explains how your nervous system has three main states: safe/social (ventral vagal), fight/flight (sympathetic), and shutdown/freeze (dorsal vagal). The vagus nerve is the main highway of communication between your brain and body. When you activate it intentionally, you signal safety to your entire system.
When to Use It: Daily practice for baseline regulation, when you're stuck in anxiety or shutdown, to prepare for potentially stressful situations, as part of your morning or evening routine.
Understanding Your Nervous System States:
Ventral Vagal (Safe & Social)
You feel calm, connected, present
Face-to-face connection feels good
Your voice has natural melody
You can think clearly and be creative
This is where healing happens
Sympathetic (Fight or Flight)
Racing heart, shallow breathing
Anxious, angry, restless
Need to move or escape
Hyper-vigilant, scanning for danger
Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown/Freeze)
Numb, disconnected, foggy
Exhausted beyond tired
Hopeless, apathetic
Can't think clearly or make decisions
Vagus Nerve Activation Techniques:
Cold Water Exposure
Splash cold water on your face
Hold ice to your cheeks or neck
Take a cold shower (even 30 seconds helps)
This immediately activates the vagus nerve
Deep Belly Breathing
Place one hand on chest, one on belly
Breathe so only your belly hand moves
Inhale for 4, exhale for 6-8
The long exhale is key - it activates the "rest and digest" response
Humming, Singing, or Chanting
The vagus nerve runs through your vocal cords
Hum your favorite tune for 2-3 minutes
Sing in the shower or car
Try "Om" or any chanting sound
The vibration directly stimulates the nerve
Gargling
Gargle water for 30 seconds, multiple times
This contracts muscles in the back of your throat
It activates the vagus nerve pathway
Sounds weird, but it works!
Gentle Yoga or Stretching
Child's pose, cat-cow, forward folds
Gentle twists and side stretches
Any movement that compresses your belly gently
Focus on slow, intentional movement
Social Connection
Make eye contact with someone safe
Have a face-to-face conversation
Hug someone (if comfortable)
Play with a pet
Our nervous systems co-regulate with safe others
Daily Practice: Pick 2-3 of these and do them every morning. Training your nervous system to return to calm is like building a muscle - practice makes it stronger.
Box Breathing & Breath Work Techniques
What It Is: Intentional breathing patterns that directly influence your nervous system. Your breath is the fastest, most accessible tool you have to shift your state. You can't directly control your heart rate, but you can control your breath - and your breath controls your heart rate.
When to Use It: Before meetings or difficult conversations, when anxiety starts to build, as a daily practice, before sleep, anytime you need to shift from stress to calm.
Box Breathing (4-4-4-4):
The Foundation Technique:
Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts
Hold your breath for 4 counts
Breathe out through your mouth for 4 counts
Hold empty for 4 counts
Repeat for 5-10 rounds
Visualization: Imagine tracing a box - up (inhale), across (hold), down (exhale), across (hold)
Why It Works: This creates balance in your nervous system and gives your mind something to focus on, interrupting anxious thoughts.
4-7-8 Breathing (Dr. Andrew Weil):
For Deeper Calm & Sleep:
Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts
Hold for 7 counts
Exhale through your mouth (making a whoosh sound) for 8 counts
Repeat 4 times
Best For: Falling asleep, deep anxiety, racing thoughts, preparing for rest
Coherent Breathing (5-5):
For Optimal Heart Rate Variability:
Breathe in for 5 counts
Breathe out for 5 counts
Continue for 5-20 minutes
Best For: Daily practice, building resilience, training your nervous system for long-term regulation
Physiological Sigh:
Quick Stress Relief:
Take a deep breath in through your nose
At the top, take a second quick sip of air in
Long, slow exhale through your mouth
Repeat 2-3 times
Why It Works: This is what your body does naturally during crying - it quickly reduces stress and regulates your nervous system. One of the fastest techniques available.
One of the fastest techniques available
Alternate Nostril Breathing:
For Mental Clarity & Balance:
Use your right thumb to close your right nostril
Breathe in through your left nostril for 4 counts
Close both nostrils briefly
Release right nostril, exhale for 4 counts
Breathe in through right nostril for 4 counts
Close both, then exhale through left
This is one round - do 5-10 rounds
Best For: Anxiety, racing thoughts, preparing for meditation, balancing energy
Breath of Fire (Use with Caution):
For Energy & Release:
Rapid, rhythmic breathing through your nose
Equal emphasis on inhale and exhale
Pumping your belly with each breath
Start with 30 seconds, build up
Caution: This is activating, not calming. Don't use if you're already anxious or have high blood pressure. Best for when you're feeling sluggish or stuck.
Practice Tips:
Set a daily reminder to practice one technique
Start with just 2-3 minutes
Use apps like "Breathe+" or "Prana Breath" for guided timing
The more you practice when calm, the easier it is to access when stressed
Body Scan Meditation
What It Is: A practice of bringing mindful awareness to each part of your body, systematically noticing sensations without judgment. This builds the crucial skill of being IN your body rather than dissociated from it.
When to Use It: Before sleep, when you're feeling disconnected from your body, as a daily mindfulness practice, after trauma triggers, when physical tension is building.
Full Body Scan (15-20 minutes):
Note: This is also known as Yoga Nidra or NSDR (Non-Sleep Deep Rest). Many people find guided versions helpful - there are excellent recordings available that walk you through the entire process. Here's one of our favorites on YouTube from Lizzy Hill. 
Setup:
Lie down or sit comfortably
Close your eyes or soften your gaze
Take 3 deep breaths to settle
The Scan: Start at your toes and slowly move up your body, spending 1-2 minutes on each area:
Toes & Feet
Notice temperature, tingling, pressure, contact with the floor
Ankles & Lower Legs
Any tension? Heaviness? Lightness?
Knees
Just notice without judgment
Thighs
Feel them supported by whatever you're sitting/lying on
Hips & Pelvis
Often holds tension - just observe
Lower Back & Belly
Notice your breath moving here
Chest & Upper Back
Feel your heart beating, lungs expanding
Shoulders
Most people hold stress here - just notice, don't try to fix
Arms & Hands
Down to your fingertips
Neck & Throat
Swallow and notice the sensations
Face & Head
Jaw, eyes, forehead, scalp
Whole Body
Feel your entire body as one unit, breathing
Key Principles:
You're not trying to relax or change anything
You're just noticing - being a curious observer
If you notice tension, just acknowledge it
If your mind wanders, gently return to the body part you're on
There's no "wrong" way to feel
Quick Body Check-In (3 minutes):
For Daily Use:
Close your eyes
Take 3 deep breaths
Quickly scan from feet to head (30 seconds)
Notice where you're holding tension
Take a breath into that area
On the exhale, imagine releasing
Why This Matters: Many people in recovery are disconnected from their bodies due to trauma or years of numbing. Body scan meditation rebuilds that connection safely and gently.
Trauma Note: If focusing on certain body parts brings up trauma responses, skip those areas for now. Work with a trauma-informed therapist to safely reintegrate those parts of your awareness.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)
What It Is: A technique where you systematically tense and then release different muscle groups. This teaches your body the difference between tension and relaxation, and helps release stored stress.
When to Use It: Before bed (great for insomnia), when your body feels tight and tense, as part of TIPP skills in crisis, daily practice for chronic tension.
Full PMR Practice (15 minutes):
How to Do It: For each muscle group:
Tense the muscles as hard as you can for 5-7 seconds
Notice the tension
Release suddenly and completely
Notice the difference for 10-20 seconds before moving to the next group
The Sequence:
Hands & Forearms Make tight fists
Upper Arms Flex your biceps
Shoulders Pull shoulders up toward ears
Neck Gently press head back against support
Face Scrunch entire face toward center
Forehead Raise eyebrows, wrinkle forehead
Jaw Clench teeth (gently) 
Stomach Tighten abs like preparing for a punch
Hips & Glutes Squeeze tightly
Thighs Tense front and back
Calves Point toes up toward shins
Feet Curl toes downward
Finish:
Scan your whole body
Notice the deep relaxation
Take 5 slow breaths
Enjoy the sensation
Quick Version (5 minutes):
Four Major Groups:
Arms & Hands (both at once)
Face & Neck
Chest, Shoulders, & Back
Legs & Feet (both at once)
Pro Tips:
Don't tense so hard you cause pain
Breathe normally while tensing (don't hold breath)
Really emphasize the RELEASE - that's where the magic happens
Notice how relaxation feels different from tension
Great to do while lying in bed before sleep
Why It Works: Stored trauma and stress live in your muscles. PMR helps release that stored tension and teaches your body what safety and relaxation actually feel like.
Somatic Experiencing
What It Is: A body-centered approach to healing trauma and stress. Rather than talking about trauma, you work with the body's sensations and natural impulses to release stuck survival energy. This is gentle, gradual, and respects your body's wisdom.
When to Use It: Processing trauma, when you feel "stuck" emotionally or physically, when traditional talk therapy isn't enough, for releasing chronic tension patterns.
Key Concepts:
Pendulation:
Moving between sensations of discomfort and ease
Like a pendulum swinging back and forth
You touch into difficulty briefly, then return to safety
This builds your capacity to handle distress
Titration:
Working with small, manageable doses of activation
Never overwhelming your system
"Sipping" trauma rather than "chugging" it
Slow and steady creates lasting change
Discharge:
Allowing your body to complete fight/flight responses it couldn't during trauma
Might look like shaking, trembling, deep breaths, yawning
This is natural and healing
Basic Somatic Practice:
Find Your Resources (2 minutes)
Identify a place in your body that feels neutral or pleasant. Maybe warmth in your hands, groundedness in your feet. This is your "safe anchor"
Track Sensations (5 minutes)
Notice sensations without story: "I feel tightness in my chest". Just observe and describe
Allow Movement Impulses
If your body wants to move, let it. Push against a wall, pull into a ball, shake or tremble. These are incomplete survival responses completing themselves
Pendulate (5 minutes)
Touch into uncomfortable sensation for 10-20 seconds. Return to your resource for 30-60 seconds. Repeat, gradually building capacity
Track the Shift
Notice releases: a deeper breath, softening, warmth. Acknowledge: "Something just shifted"
Somatic Awareness Questions:
What sensations am I noticing right now?
Where in my body do I feel this emotion?
If this sensation had a color/shape/texture, what would it be?
What does my body want to do right now?
What feels supportive or safe in my body right now?
Important: Somatic work with trauma is best done with a trained SE practitioner initially. These basics are safe for self-practice, but deep trauma work needs professional support.
Why This Matters: Talk therapy helps, but trauma lives in the body. Somatic work releases what words can't reach.
Emotional Release Practices: Feel It to Heal It (But Don't Get Stuck There)
What It Is: Intentional practices that allow you to fully feel and express emotions in a safe, boundaried way. The key is giving yourself permission to feel WITHOUT getting lost in the emotion. Set a container, feel deeply, then complete the cycle.
When to Use It: When emotions are building up, when you notice you're numbing or avoiding feelings, as a regular practice for emotional hygiene, after triggering events.
The "Feel It to Heal It" Process:
Step 1: Set the Container (2 minutes)
Decide how long you'll allow yourself to feel (10-15 minutes max)
Set a timer - this creates safety
Choose your space (private, safe, comfortable)
Have tissues, water, and maybe a comfort item nearby
Tell yourself: "I'm going to feel this fully, and then I'll complete the process"
Step 2: Drop In & Allow (10-15 minutes)
Permission Statement: Before you begin, place your hand on your heart and say out loud or to yourself: "You're allowed to be in my body. I give you permission to move through me."
Step 3: Witness & Name (2 minutes)
Place your hand on your heart
Name what you're feeling without judgment
"I feel deep sadness about..."
"I feel rage about..."
"I feel terrified of..."
Just witness and acknowledge - no fixing
Step 4: Complete the Cycle (5 minutes)
When the timer goes off, take 5 deep breaths
Splash water on your face or wash your hands (physical transition)
Look around the room - notice 5 things you see (grounding)
Stand up and stretch or shake out your body
Say out loud or to yourself: "I honored my feelings. I showed up for myself."
Step 5: Internal Praise (3 minutes)
This is crucial - NO external rewards (no sugar, no shopping, no numbing). Place your hand on your heart and say to yourself:
"I'm proud of myself for feeling this"
"It took courage to be with that pain"
"I'm building my capacity to handle my emotions"
"I'm getting stronger every time I do this"
Feel the warmth of your own acknowledgment
For Sadness/Grief:
Let yourself cry fully
Make sounds if they want to come
Hold a pillow or stuffed animal
Rock yourself gently if that feels good
Say what needs to be said out loud or to yourself
Write what hurts in a journal
For Anger:
Scream into a pillow
Punch a punching bag or cushions
Rip paper or cardboard
Stomp your feet
Write an unsent angry letter
Do intense physical exercise
Say everything you're angry about out loud or to yourself (alone)
For Fear/Anxiety:
Let yourself shake or tremble
Wrap yourself in a blanket (cocooning)
Name your fears out loud or to yourself
Write them down
Hold yourself and rock
Breathe through the waves
For Numbness/Disconnection:
Put on music that makes you feel something
Look at photos that evoke emotion
Watch a scene from a movie that moves you
Place your hand on your heart
Say out loud or to yourself: "It's safe to feel"
Important Boundaries - Don't:
Let this become hours of wallowing
Use substances to "help" you feel or to numb afterward
Reward yourself with unhealthy coping (food, shopping, screen time)
Process trauma alone without professional support
Do this when you need to be somewhere soon after
Do:
Set clear time boundaries and stick to them (this also helps to build self trust within your system)
Practice regularly (not just when overwhelmed)
Notice that you CAN feel and survive it
Build trust with yourself that emotions pass
Retrain your brain to produce dopamine from internal pride
Why This Works:
Most people in recovery have been avoiding emotions for years. Emotions that aren't felt get stored and eventually explode or implode. This practice teaches you that:
Emotions are safe to feel
They have a beginning, middle, and end
You can be with them without drowning
Feeling them actually makes them go away faster than avoiding them
You can praise yourself and feel good without external fixes
The Goal: You're building distress tolerance and emotional capacity. Each time you do this, you're training your brain that emotions aren't dangerous and that YOU are capable of handling them.
Havening Techniques: Self-Soothing Through Touch
What It Is: Havening is a psychosensory therapy that uses gentle touch on specific parts of your body to create delta waves in your brain - the same waves present during deep, restorative sleep. It helps delink emotional distress from traumatic memories and creates a sense of safety and calm.
When to Use It: During flashbacks or intrusive thoughts, when feeling triggered, before sleep, during anxiety or panic, as a daily self-soothing practice.
The Three Havening Touch Patterns:
1. Arm Havening
Cross your arms over your chest
Place each hand on the opposite upper arm (like hugging yourself)
Slowly stroke down from shoulder to elbow
Return to shoulder and repeat
Continue in a slow, rhythmic pattern
About 1 stroke per second
2. Face Havening
Place both palms on your forehead
Slowly stroke down your face
From forehead, down over your cheeks, to your chin
Return hands to forehead and repeat
Gentle, soothing pressure
Continue rhythmically
3. Hand Havening
Rub your palms together gently
Then stroke from the back of one hand up to the elbow
Switch hands and repeat
You can also rub your palms together in circles
Whatever feels most soothing
Full Havening Protocol (10 minutes):
Identify the Distress (1 minute)
Notice what's bothering you, rate it 0-10. You don't need details - just acknowledge it
Begin Havening Touch (2-3 minutes)
Choose one touch pattern. Do it slowly, rhythmically, gently. Close your eyes if comfortable
Add Distraction (3-4 minutes)
While continuing touch, distract your mind: Hum a song or count backward by 3s, imagine a favorite place, name animals alphabetically
Check In (1 minute)
Stop and check distress level (0-10). Usually significantly reduced. If still high, do another round
Positive Visualization (2 minutes)
Continue touch, imagine safety or calm. Let the soothing continue
Quick Havening (2 minutes):
Start havening touch (any pattern)
Take slow, deep breaths
Count your breaths up to 20
Notice how you feel
Why It Works:
The specific touch patterns combined with lateral eye movements or mental distraction activate delta waves in your brain. This:
Reduces the emotional charge of traumatic memories
Creates a felt sense of safety in your body
Deactivates the amygdala (fear center)
Generates feelings of calm and wellbeing
Self-Havening vs. Professional: You can use havening for general stress and anxiety on your own. For processing specific trauma, work with a certified Havening Techniques® practitioner.
Best Part: Once you learn this, you have a portable, free, immediate tool that works anywhere. You can haven yourself discretely in meetings, on planes, in bed - anywhere you need to feel safer and calmer.
Container Exercise: Hold It Without Being Held By It
What It Is: A visualization technique for temporarily "containing" overwhelming emotions or traumatic material when you need to function but aren't in a safe space to process. Think of it like a pause button - you acknowledge what's there, promise to come back to it, and then set it aside so you can handle what's in front of you.
When to Use It: When emotions arise at inappropriate times (work, public, social situations), when you're overwhelmed and need to function, before sleep (to process tomorrow), to prevent emotional flooding.
Creating Your Container (First Time - 5-7 minutes):
1. Get Comfortable
Sit or lie down, close your eyes, take 3 deep breaths
2. Imagine Your Container
Visualize something that can hold difficult emotions: a box, safe, vault, jar, or locked room. Make it detailed - what's it made of? How big? Know that nothing can escape unless you choose
3. Add Security
Imagine a lock, latch, or seal. Maybe a special key only you possess
4. Choose Its Location
Where will it live in your mind? Somewhere accessible but not intrusive
Using Your Container (Daily - 3-5 minutes):
When Overwhelming Feelings Arise:
1. Acknowledge (30 seconds)
"I'm feeling overwhelmed by [sadness/anger/fear/memories]"
"This is real and valid"
"I see you, I hear you"
2. Make a Promise (30 seconds)
"I will come back to this"
"I will give this the time and space it deserves"
"This matters and I won't abandon it"
Set a specific time: "I'll process this at 7pm tonight" or "I'll bring this to therapy on Thursday"
3. Visualize Containment (2-3 minutes)
See the emotion/memory as an object, color, or energy
Imagine gently placing it in your container
Close and secure the container
Know it's safely held
Feel the relief of not having to carry it right now
Turn your attention back to the present moment
4. Ground Yourself (1 minute)
Take 3 deep breaths
Look around and name 3 things you see
Feel your feet on the ground
Return to what you need to do now
Retrieving from the Container (Processing Time):
When you're ready to process:
Set aside dedicated time (20-60 minutes)
Make sure you're in a safe, private space
Have support available if needed
Visualize opening the container
Allow the emotions/memories to emerge
Use other tools (emotional release, journaling, talking to therapist)
Process fully
If it's too much, you can put it back and come back to it later
This is NOT:
Long-term avoidance
Repression or denial
A way to never deal with things
Ignoring your emotions
This IS:
Temporary, strategic postponement
Honoring that timing matters
Choosing when and where to process
Maintaining function while respecting your emotions
Building trust with yourself that you'll return to it
Keep Your Promises:
If you say you'll process at 7pm, do it
If you need to reschedule, consciously choose a new time
Your inner self needs to trust that the container means "later," not "never"
Breaking these promises weakens the tool and your self-trust
Why This Works: Your brain needs to know that important things won't be forgotten or ignored. The container provides that assurance while giving you the space to function. It's not about avoiding - it's about timing.
Variations:
For Multiple Issues: Create different containers for different types of content. One for work stress, one for relationship issues, one for trauma. Or one container with different compartments.
For Nighttime Use: Keep a "worry journal" by your bed. Write down what's bothering you. Close the journal - that's your container. Tell yourself: "I'll deal with this tomorrow"
Nervous System Reset Techniques: Quick Shifts When You Need Them
What It Is: Fast-acting techniques that interrupt stress patterns and reset your nervous system when you don't have time for a full practice. These are your "emergency brake" tools.
When to Use It: Between tasks, when you notice stress building, before important meetings, when you catch yourself spiraling, multiple times throughout the day as preventive maintenance.
Bilateral Stimulation (2-3 minutes):
The Butterfly Hug:
Cross your arms over your chest
Place your hands on your opposite shoulders
Alternate tapping - right, left, right, left
Tap slowly and rhythmically (about 1 per second)
Close your eyes and breathe
Continue for 2-3 minutes
Why It Works: Bilateral stimulation (alternating left-right activation) helps process stress and creates integration between brain hemispheres. It's calming and grounding.
Alternate Knee Taps: Sit down. Alternate tapping your hands on your opposite knees. Right hand on left knee, left hand on right knee. Continue rhythmically while breathing.
Humming & Vocalization (2-5 minutes):
The "Voo" Breath:
Take a deep breath in
On the exhale, make a long "vooooo" sound (like "boo" but with a "v")
Feel the vibration in your chest and belly
The sound should be low and slow
Repeat 5-10 times
Why It Works: The vibration directly stimulates the vagus nerve and creates a sense of safety. It's incredibly calming.
Variations:
"Om" or "Aum" (traditional)
Humming any tune
Singing loudly (in your car or shower)
Making low, growling sounds
Quick Body Shake (1-2 minutes):
Trauma Release Tremoring:
Stand with knees slightly bent
Start bouncing gently
Allow your whole body to shake
Let your arms hang loose and wobble
Shake your head gently (eyes closed if that feels good)
Make sounds if they want to come out
Continue for 1-2 minutes
Stop suddenly and stand still - notice the shift
Why It Works: Animals shake after stressful events to discharge survival energy. We've learned to suppress this natural response. Intentional shaking releases that stored activation.
Cold Water Reset (30 seconds - 2 minutes):
Quick Options:
Splash cold water on your face
Run cold water over your wrists for 30 seconds
Hold ice cubes in your hands
Drink ice-cold water slowly
Place a cold, wet cloth on the back of your neck
Why It Works: Cold activates your vagus nerve instantly, pulling you out of fight-or-flight.
The "Clover" Breath (2 minutes):
For Quick Calm:
Trace a four-leaf clover shape in the air with your finger
As you trace up the first petal - inhale
As you trace down - hold
Trace up the next petal - exhale
Trace down - hold
Continue around all four petals
Your breath follows your finger's movement
Why It Works: The combination of visual focus, movement, and breath regulation interrupts stress patterns and gives your mind something specific to focus on.
Pressure Points (30 seconds - 1 minute):
Between Your Eyebrows (Third Eye):
Press gently with your middle finger. Hold for 30 seconds while breathing deeply. Releases tension
Base of Skull:
Find the two hollow areas at the base of your skull. Apply gentle pressure with your fingertips. Hold for 30-60 seconds. Breathe slowly
Center of Palm:
Use your thumb to press the center of your opposite palm. Hold firm pressure for 30 seconds. Switch hands. Calming and grounding
The "Havening Arms" Quick Version (1 minute):
Cross arms and hold opposite shoulders
Stroke down from shoulders to elbows slowly
Repeat 20-30 times while breathing
Creates instant sense of safety
Pattern Interrupt (30 seconds):
Snap Your State: Do something completely unexpected:
Jump up and down 5 times
Spin in a circle
Splash water on your face
Sing one line of a song loudly
Do 10 jumping jacks
Why It Works: Breaking your physical pattern breaks your mental pattern. Sometimes the fastest way to shift is to do something totally different.
Daily Reset Schedule:
Build These Into Your Day:
Morning Voo breath or humming (5 min)
Mid-morning Butterfly hug (2 min)
Lunch Body shake (1 min)
Afternoon Cold water on wrists (30 sec)
Evening Clover breath (2 min)
Before bed Pressure points (1 min)
The Goal: Train your nervous system to return to baseline quickly. The more you practice these when you're calm, the more effective they are in crisis.
Remember: You don't need to do all of these. Find 2-3 that work for YOUR body and make them your go-to tools. Consistency matters more than variety.